We are like that only!!!

P/E ratio- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.

A Accountant walked into a jeweller's shop late one Friday, with a beautiful young lady on his side.
"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said.
The jeweller looks through his stock, and takes out an outstanding ring priced at $4500.
"I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique", he said.
At that, the jeweller went and fetched his special stock from the safe.
"Here's one stunning ring at $33000."
The girls' eyes sparkled, and the young man said that he would take it.
"How are you paying?"
"I'll pay by cheque, but of course the bank would want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a cheque and you can phone the bank Monday and I'll collect the ring on Monday afternoon".
Monday morning, irritate jeweller phones the man.
"You lied there's no money in that account."


"I know, but can you imagine what a Fantastic WEEKEND I had?"

He was a very cautious man, who never romped or played.
He never smoked, he never drank, nor even kissed a maid.
And when he up and passed and away, insurance was denied.
For since he hadn't ever lived, they claimed he never died.

An accountant is in a car traveling with a farmer client around his farm.
They pass a large mob of sheep and the farmer says, "You're pretty good with numbers, Keith. How many sheep do you reckon are in that paddock?"
The accountant looks at the sheep for a moment and says, "One thousand, eight hundred and thirty two."
The farmer is amazed. "Exactly right", he says. "How did you work that out so fast?"
"Easy," says the accountant "I counted the number of feet and divided by 4."

Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing:
"He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."

Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child:
"No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible, but I like your thinking".

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.

There are two sides of a Balance Sheet, Left & Right Assets and Liabilities respectively

On the Right side there is nothing right and on the Left side there is nothing left.

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.
If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them.. Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping. Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information technology.
If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning.
And then last but not least. If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.

Tuta Tuta SENSEX Tuta Aise Tuta
Ki Phir Uth Na Paya
Loota Loota Kisne Usko Aise Loota
Ki Phir Uth Na Paya
Girta Hua Wo 21000 Se
Aakar Gira 10,500 Par
Khwabo Mei Phir Bhi 25,000 hi Tha
Who Kehta Raha Magar
Ki Allah Ke Investor hasde
Allah ke Investor
Allah Ke Investor Hasde
Jo Bhi Ho Kal Bull Aayega

Kho ke apne fund bhi to, phir bhi tu naa sambhla
Kho ke apne fund bhi to, aaaaaaa.........
Kho ke apne fund bhi to, phir bhi tu naa sambhla
Holding ko apne paas hi rakh le, dividend bhi tere kaam aayega
Allah ke investor hasde allah ke investor
Allah ke investor hasde jo bhi ho kal Bull aayega
Allah ke investor hasde allah ke investor
Allah ke investor hasde jo bhi ho kal Bull aayega

1. Trial balances don’t
2. Working Capital does not
3. Bank reconciliations never do
4. Liquidity tends to run out
5. Return on investments never will
6. Bottom line is only the tip of the iceberg.
7. If you need accounting to prove it, it was probably not true in the first place
8. There is nothing more permanent than a temporary account
9. An accountant is a man hired to explain that you did not make the money you did
10. Accounting is economics without assumptions
11. Obviously accounting pays, otherwise there would be no accountants.

What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

What's an actuary?
An accountant without the sense of humour.

What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"